The Dog who humps hoses

Flight of the Conchords: Business Time


For nearly four weeks we have had two lots of grandchildren (plus Mums, Dads and an Aunt) visiting us. It has been nonstop enjoyment, early mornings and late boozy nights as we caught up with each other. It has been exhausting but wonderfully enjoyable. 

Now the clean up has begun and we have to get ready to go back to Newcastle. Summer is limping to a closure and in the hedgerows the autumn fruits are ripening and the leaves of the Quercy Oaks are turning yellow. 

We were visiting some friends a couple of weeks ago and their dog was wand


ering around the garden, he was soaking wet and very smelly after swimming in a local reservoir. His owners said they would have cleaned him up but hosing him down presented a bit if a problem. It seems this particular dog has an odd sexual preference.

I thought this week’s blog should have a fun theme, the Flight of the Chonchords are the best band to deliver fun.It saddens me that the Flight of the Conchords are no more. I loved the TV series and their songs were amazing.  I picked this one as I think it goes perfectly with this week’s blog poem.

The Dog who humps hoses


Hissing like a snake the garden hose swells with water

The grass stirs as it twists and shudders in the sunlight

In the corner of the garden the dog stirs, then sniffs the air

His owners wants to wash the dirt of the day from him

But the dog has only one thought, it wants to hump the hose

As soon as the tap is turned and he spies the tumescent tubing

He is filled with a surge of testosterone and hormones

He wants that hose, he needs that hose, he must have that hose

Making bath time a surreal experience for his owners

In the circumstances, it is just as well it is a cold water tap


© Jeff Price August 2017

One thought on “The Dog who humps hoses

  1. There are people who would pay good money to see this rare act. However, It sounded more like the ‘Flight of the Concourse’, given it commanded an audience with a luring attraction. 🐕

    Liked by 1 person

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